I'm all about persistence. I think that if you're going for something, you should go for it whole hog and not let anything get in your way. This applies to work, to things you want that are material, to finding a better mentality, or a better body, whatever it is you want. Really, it's all about just hitting that gym every day, or going to job interview after job interview, or whatever it is. WHEW! Are you pumped and motivated? Well, on Geek Love Radio, we give that same kind of advice. Much like the "great" pick up artists, after much rejection, they find the one that says yes. Well, let me pose this scenarioi for you. What if you NEVER get a yes?
I know that's hard to believe. I feel that no matter who you are or what you look like, there is someone out there for you. You won't find her right off the bat, but you will find them...eventually. That's the most discouraging part, and again, if a guy like me could get married and be all crazy "playa" like in my past, being what I am, who I am, and what I look like, then I think it's possible for anyone to find this. Then, I started thinking about this mentality, and the kind of people who do get rejected time and again, not for being an ass or a jerk, but just because they are awkward, or uncomfortable, or...different.
Ever since I started doing this meet up business, and meeting and greeting nerds like myself, it's interesting to see how unusual men are around women. I mean, the internet memes, the awkward penguin, etc, seem to have some kind of truth to them. It's hard to believe that people like this exist, and after a bit, I find out, that I TOO am like these people. I'm not much different form them after all. I find myself being awkward and nervous, like a regression from my once confident, assertive self to this sadder shell of insecurity and fear. The main villain being fear. The risks are scary!
And then there's the clinging. Nerds who do get a little attention from women, and don't know what to do with themselves, take it overboard. They grab hold of the reigns and they just push forward so hard that instead of attracting the lady, you end up appearing creepy and scaring them off. It happens all the time, and I see it so clearly amongst my fellow geeks, and even myself. It could be a looks thing, an attraction thing, or it could just be that you're coming on too strong, but we nerd men just hang on to dear life at the first sign of attention. Being polite does not mean flirtation.
So when do we stop persuing a person or a relationship? There must be a point, after all the trying, the hemming and the hawing, when we say, "I get the picture! I should just stop! No more rejection!" And there is a point when you should say stop, because how much soul crushing "you're a great friend", or "I'm just not attracted to you," can one take? Those are all fine and good and honestly, there's nothing wrong with that, but there has to be a point and time where we as a people have to stop what we're doing and look at what the hell is wrong with us? Stop MAKING things happen, or should I say trying to FORCE things to happen and just let things...happen.
I'm not saying this works for everyone, but there's a time after all the "no's" where we need to reflect and that might help make things a little easier as you seek out your romance. Much like me, I know why I'm having difficulty finding someone. Other than being incredibly charismatic, smart, and funny and...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *wipes tear* Sorry, I couldn't keep a straight face with that. I'm more tall and tubby. Anyway...sometimes old habits die hard, and sometimes we repeat the same failed practices again and again, a sign of insanity I've been told, and it doesn't work. But it did at one point, and so we try again. But we can't keep beating a dead horse and hope for that random positive reaction. A new approach is in order.
Constant rejection is not a powerful enough deterent for people to make the change. People are trying to find that happiness, and they're doing it for the wrong reasons. Loneliness and sadness instead of love of the self and a positive attitude, rule the reasons behind trying to find love. It is odd. And we can blah blah blah all about not needing another person and that whole loving yourself before loving others, but let's face it, the human mind and condition is one complex thing, and it just doesn't translate for everyone. It is not the healthiest, but people keep trying to strive for that happiness. And if being in a relationships makes a person happy, they will not approach it with caution, they will not know that they might not be ready for one, and the cycle continues. I think people seen some crazy couples make a relationship work, so why can't we?
So don't give up, even if you want to. Don't deny yourself happiness. Sometimes I feel like I want to just stop, and resign to the idea that I'll just be single for life, and become a bitter old man that throws things at people and just hates on those young whipper snappers who keep walking on my lawn. Get off my lawn!!! Woah...I mean, it may take months, years, and thensome before you find that person, and it will be worth it. But it's all about making a better you, and sometimes letting go of the reigns and not forcing the situation. Don't be afraid about being a better you, and let the love happen serendipitously. Woah, that's my romantic side coming out. I've been feeling like the romantic, believing in true love, and that the heart will go on, and insert any sappy 90's love song here. Why not? That's how I found many years of affection and joy with amazing people, and I hope to find one who finds me kind of awesome in the future. Keep romance and fantasty alive because who knows? She could be right under your nose, or around the corner, or maybe that thing you smell is her behind...bleeding (Old Kevin and Bean Reference - "NO WONDER YOUR BEHIND IS BLEEDIN'" - http://youtu.be/qmL5hlXX05k?t=2m20s).